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Do I do anything but rant really?

October 7, 2009 Leave a comment

7/10/2009·public·184 visits · notify me ?

Hahaha! Well my hubby may be right all I do is rant, so please ladies excuse yet another rant taking up space on the right of your page! I rant in this journal too much I konw, but well, Violet doesn’t listen she just gets me to pretend to drink from her tea set, bless!!!

Anyway, Martin and Violet are ill again. As if I don’t spend enough of my time paranoid about getting poorly, now I’m living in a housefull of it! They have colds this time, and while I keep having paranoid flashes that my throat os sore or my nose is running I am actually fine so far. Drinkings lots of OJ and water and telling myself that I simply cannot get this frigging cold!

I am so mightily p*ssed off about it! My bro and family popped in to see us on their way back from holiday, see we’d given them the hol as a wedding present. We’d originally booked it for ourselves back before I knew I was pregnant and had been told by the midwife we’d not be able to go. They’d been skint when we got married in March and so had decided to buy us a week at the same place this time next year as a belated wedding gift, and they wanted to surprise us with the details. Bless them how sweet is that!!! So it may seem awfully surprising and ungrateful to start this with I’m so p*ssed off BUT…..their little girl had been as they put it ‘husky’ most of the week and they thought perhaps she may be coming down with a cold. And lo and behold here we all are 5 days later V and DH sniffling, coughing and snotting everywhere and so are they!

Yeah colds happen, I know we can’t lock ourselves away for the next year. BUT Why don’t they understand, even after Ivy’s last infection and how I ranted about it, that what is ‘just a cold’ for most folk, is a nightmare for us as we’re all stressed, not sleeping or eating properly and means we can’t visit are much poorlier little chick?!? And that most importantly it could be utterly catastrophic if we accidentally did take it into the hospital!!!! Why don’t they get it? Why when I rant about people coming round when they’re poorly does everyone think I’m talking about everyone apart from them? It’s not like they tell me on the door either, no. they wait until they’ve been here for half an hour playing with Violet and all her toys, “oh we think ..x… has got a sore throat” I’m fucking sick of being told that they’re sorry. It’s really driving me bonkers! I really feel like I’m banging my head on a brick wall. Surely to F-ing god this isnt unreasonable of me to ask people to not bring their ill kids to my house?I mean this was why we stopped Violet being babysat, after the nits and the hideous tummy bug in a fortnight it just seemed more trouble than it was worth. I really don’t get why my family thought it would be better to still take V and look after her when they’re poorly and send her ill back to my house? I know they’re trying to help and I don’t want to be awfully ungrateful, I konw they are trying. But really in what exact way is that any help to me at all!? Why can’t anybody just offer to do my sodding hoovering that would’#ve been much more helpful!

And cos V is still ill I’ve had to pull out of her speech therapy tomorrow too, I don’t want her either passing it round everyone else, that doesn’t seem fair! And I don’t want her picking up something else while her immune system is low.

Just hope everyone else feels better soon and that I don’t catch it! I’m only able to visit Ivy for half an hour a day at the moment while M and V wait in the car, and then I’m tooscared to hold her just in case I’ve brought the vile bug in. It just fucking sucks. Stoopid people.

originally posted on babycentre community board; x-posted to www.handprints.org.uk/pixiejos-previous-blogs.html

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steps forward, steps back

September 15, 2009 Leave a comment

15/09/2009·public·193 visits · notify me ?

So while we had been awway from the hospital Ivy had done really well with her feeding, gradually making it up to 5 and a half mils of milk an hour and cycling 2 hours on CPAP 4 hours breathing by herself. She was doing so well that when we saw her on Saturday she had had all of her lines out as she was fully milk fed!

Yesterday (Monday) Ivy was supposed to go for her Hida test to check her gall bladder function, seems Ivy had other ideas though.First thing in the morning her tummy gets all blown up again, so distended the skin was shiny like it was for about a week after she was born. This swelling pushes up onto her lungs too making it much harder for her to breathe, so when they come to pop her in the travel incubator for the big journey across the hospital she had a big desat & brady episode. So in the end they decided to leave her on the unit and reschedule for when she;s more stable. And while they were waiting for her to become more stable she had to return back into the intensive care unit for more careful monitoring. Back onto Nil-By-Mouth and drip feeding. Back off the King’s regime thingy. Back out of the clothes she’d only just made it into. And back beside the family that take up all the space. 😦

I managed to spend most of the afternoon with her today and was there when the doctors decided that she can gradually start having milk again which was much more positive, but nobody knows for sure why her belly keeps blowing up. Her x-rays and barium scan pics have been studied by the surgical team at Bristol Children’s hospital (it was them that decided she could eat again) and they’re happy there’s no obstruction and doesn’t need surgery, but it seems she still has quite a bit of meconium stuck up there, despite many stinky nappies now. They don’t know whether her jaundice is linked to the belly blowing up problem, that maybe if she starts having milk all the time and it all gets to function properly it could all resolve itself. But they have to firstly check that it isn’t any one of a number of other things, she’s on 3 lots of anitbiotics even though her blood tests have come back clean for infection. I guess I’m glad they’re being cautious to be on the safe side.

Just feel really bleh and numb about the whole thing, I’m trying to be jollier about it, now she’s more settled and stable again, but don’t seem able to properly pick myself back up. I dreamt she had died and no one was listening to me which was a bit harsh, can’t seem to quite shake that feeling now. Just really bloody tired.Anyway the lovely tesco man brings my shopping hurrah!

Hope you lovely ladies are having better days than me xxxx

originally posted on babycentre community board; x-posted to www.handprints.org.uk/pixiejos-previous-blogs.html

Where did the time go?

September 12, 2009 Leave a comment

12/09/2009·public·180 visits · notify me ?

Ivy is 4 whole weeks old today! Where have 4 weeks gone? But yet and at the same time, it seems eons ago I was pregnant….And for the first time since tuesday we’ll be able to go and visit!!! And we have babysitters already in place (well they’ve had a week off haven’t they?! ;p) for tonight, tomorrow and possibly monday too!

I also figured out, somewhat sadly, that I only discovered I was pregnant 6 months ago on monday, how can she be 4 weeks old already?! I’d have only been 34 weeks this wednesday coming. Oh well I haven’t made this far with either baby, so at least I don’t konw what I’m missing now!

As of yesterday, Ivy is fully milk fed, all 5mils an hour of it, bless her, stil hardly a drop at a time! So she’s finally had her long line taken out!!! One less drip, in fact possibly all drips gone, but lets not celebrate til I can see to check! 😀 She was a big brave soldier about it too, they give the tinies dextrose syrup for pain relief (not sure how it works, but I’ve seen how Violet reacted to it, sugar – good!) and she just stared at them through the whole procedure! She’s also survived her newborn hearing screen, premmie eye test which’ll be done again in 2 weeks and she’s been put on something called the ‘King’s regime’ for her jaundice, which is apparently a variety of vitamins and supplements added to her milk developed by King’s College, but for once google is failing me, I can’t find anything about it! And it’s tough to get all the relevant details over the phone, guess we’ll find out tonight! Hooray!

Happy sunny saturday all!!! xxx

originally posted on babycentre community board; x-posted to www.handprints.org.uk/pixiejos-previous-blogs.html

Jojo stuck at home and sulking

September 10, 2009 Leave a comment

10/09/2009·public·250 visits · notify me ?

Sulking muchly!

When Violet was ill at the beginning of the week we thought it was something she ate, especially cos it came on suddenly. Seems we were wrong, both me and hubby spent yesterday sleeping in shifts, to watch Violet, feeling like death warmed up; or totally overheated in my case. I have not felt that bad since recovering from alcohol posioning when I was 17, just grateful it passed quickly! All back to vague tired normality today thankfully! Nits last week, bugs this week, I’m beginning to think getting Violet babysat is more trouble than it’s worth.

So obviously we didn’t go to the hospital yesterday, and we can’t go now for at least another 48 hours til we know the bug has cleared from everybody; so at best saturday night, but more likely Sunday 😦 Poor little Ivy wont have any visitors til Sunday!!!

Ivy’s being kept busy though, she has her eye test today; apparently some very prem babies eyes don’t develop properly, the retinas don’t attach, so they’re checking hers in an hour. Yesterday she had another x-ray on her tummy, she’s still not pooing without suppositries (lovely!) so they had to check that there’s no blockages or swollen bits. The Barium that they put up to get the xray done seems to have solved the problem entirely, I’m glad I missed that nappy, especially in the state we were in! And on monday she’s having a hida scan, as she has prolonged conjugated jaundice. So they’re giving her phenobarbitol from yesterday, apparently this will make all the bilirubin stuff gather in her gall bladder, or maybe her liver, and then when they put the dye in and take all the pics on monday they’ll be able to see whether everything is draining through the gall bladder and liver as it should do. It wasn’t til I got home that I realised phenobarbitol is a sedative (duh) so she probably wont notice that we’re not there at least…..poor tiny one.

Oh and when I saw her last she was having 1 mil of milk an hour; today she’s up to 3 and a half mils an hour!

pixiejo · you!
Updated 11/09/2009

Aw thanks for all your hugs ladies! We’re all much better and have been yesterday so fingers and toes crossed we’ll get to go and visit tomorrow!

Ivy is doing superbly on her milk, when I rang in the evening for an update she’d gone up to 4.5mil an hour, if she continues to tolerate that then her long line will come out as she wont need the I.V. nutrition (TPN)!!! She’s managed to drop that to a mil an hour from 4.6 which is awesome! I believe she’s off the lipid already too. It’d be really lovely to see her without a line in each arm/leg, and the long line looks particularly uncomfy cos it goes in the top of her arm poor little chick!

She’s back to doing well with her breathing, we think she took exception to being moved as she had a couple of days of desats and braddies which are just hideous to see, and had to have a whole day on cpap. Back up to 2 hours on 4 hours off at the moment!

Hope yuo lovely ladies are all well xxx

Jo x

originally posted on babycentre community board; x-posted to www.handprints.org.uk/pixiejos-previous-blogs.html

Moved up a nursery! One step closer…

September 6, 2009 Leave a comment

6/09/2009·public·294 visits · notify me ?

Sooo super excited! Ivy has officially been promoted from Intensive care into High dependency hooray!!!

Double good cos the parents of the baby  next to Ivy in ICU were doing my head in! I#m sure they’re very, very nice people, and obviously having a NICU baby is very stressful, so they probably didn’t realise they were SO annoying! but I rarely come so close to punching folk I have to leave the room like I did yesterday! Waaah! We could only get down one side of Ivy’s incubator as she was next to the wall, and generally most parents stick to sitting with their visitors on one side of the incubator as their as so many other babies and you don’t like to invade other people;s privacy. Not the folks next door to Ivy, no. They would normally be down both sides of their babies cot so I’d have to peer at Ivy through the end of her incubator. Yesterday Violet was being babysat so I was there early and sitting up on a stool level with Ivy’s face, and when next door arrived they just barged in behind me, so they could be on both sides of their baby’s cot, nearly knocked me off my stool – despite there being nothing down the other side of their baby’s cot. I was so upset I went and cried in the loo (how sad am I?! should’ve just said something to the staff!) They didn’t even acknowledge that I was there, didn’t say sorry or anything! They didn’t even move when the nurse was discussing Ivy’s blood transfusion or other tests she’s currently having, I’m trying to believe they’re not ignorant, just really involved and worried about their baby, but really! So in the evening my fella made sure he was standing at the end of Ivy’s incubator cos he’s not little, and so they couldn’t get past and shove into me again. FFS the only day I got to spend time with Ivy on my own without having to worry about dashing home for Violet. Grrrr!

I was on the bus home writing a letter to the ward sister and everything and now I don’t need to bother for Ivy has moved!! Hooray!!!!

thanks for all your messages yesterday! I was going to reply there but needed to share the excitement, and it would seem a bit more rant than I had intended! The bleeding seems to have calmed down, apparently it’s just my body saying that I am doing too much when I should be home resting…Ivy is *still* on poo strike, but the blood transfusion top up has meant her oxygen sats are holding much better, so she’s back to having more time breathing by herself again. 🙂 The transfusions are such small amounts it’s insane, the first one they gave her was so small they actually took more blood from me to crossmatch and figure out what blood type she was, which seems like a real waste! I’m not allowed to donate to her at all though 😦 Anyway! Must go and express again, it really does seem to be never-ending!

Hope all you lovely ladies are well!!!! xxxxx

pixiejo · you!
Updated 8/09/2009

Hello ladies!

HOw you all doing? I have told Ivy you’re all thinking of her and she looked at me like I was daft; but she normally looks at me like I’m daft, so hard to tell what she thinks really 😉

Karen, I’m not really sure what happens long term, try not to think about it to be honest! While Ivy was born very tiny for her gestation, her brain was as developed as she should be for 29 weeks, which stands her in good stead. The unit also scans for brain bleeds, which potentially could cause problems, especially if they occur in the first 4 days, so far she is clear which is good too. Violet did have a grade 1 bleed when she was a couple of weeks old and it all just got absorbed and as far as you can tell with a 2 year old – she’s fine! I know Ivy will be monitored until she has caught up to where any other child her age is developmentally, as Violet is still under the care of the same consultant! Violet has to see him every 6 months as she’s still not talking as much as she should for her age, and she will until it’s sorted or diagnosed as being a problem.

No results back on the jaundice or CF yet, the CF had to be sent to Bristol for chromosome tests. We got asked all kinds of questions like whether me and DH were related and stuff! It’s really an education this NNU!

THank you for your thoughts I appreciate it, and I appreciate yuo all taking the time to read and comment! You’re all fabulous!

Jo x

originally posted on babycentre community board; x-posted to www.handprints.org.uk/pixiejos-previous-blogs.html

so I’ve finally been discharged, Ivy is 3 weeks old!

September 5, 2009 Leave a comment

5/09/2009·public·352 visits · notify me ?

For the difference it makes to be discharged, I’m in hospital every day anyway, just now I only have to visit one ward rather than 2!

I think I may have overdone it though, as Violet has been off with various babysitters she’s caught nits, just what we need right now! So I spent yesterday nit-combing a 2 year old, I’m sure you can all imagine how much fun that was. But because she was off staying at my bro’s last night I didn’t want to send her with the dreaded bugs just in case she hadn’t caught it from them, so I had to stomp all the way into town to buy the treatment stuff, which was probably silly seeing as I’m not meant to be pushing her anywhere right now, and then had to lift her in and out of the bath. But it had to be done. Only now I’m bleeding again, which I’m fairly sure I’m not meant to….and cos I’ve finally been discharged I don’t have any of the relevant phone numbers to see if it’s something to worry about….but at least I’m going back to the hospital this afternoon anyway. Sure it’s fine. Right?

Ivy is still pootl;ing along nicely, slow and steady. They have started weighing her, she did lose weight down to 1lb 6 so they started giving her fat (lipid) in her drip and she’s back up to 1lb7. And shes’ started to have some milk, just half a mil every 3 hours, and it’s still blowing her up like a balloon! She seems to have gone on poo strike again so they’re testing her for cystic fibrosis in case that’s whats causing it; but at least the lack of poo has meant they can get all the wee samples they need to find out whats causing her grey jaundice. She’s much more active and awake now which is lovely, her little mouth seems to constantly be on the search for food, and she’s having great fun removing her tubes and pulling off her CPAP. So while they say that she’s having 3 hours off breathing by herself every 6 hours, she’s actually having more cos she keeps pulling all the pipes off! When we arrived the other night she was chewing on them!

Anyway the phone is ringing again. It rings every 20minutes all morning, for the first week I panicked every time as I thought it was the hospital and would run for it. But it would seem that most of the family want daily bloody updates, despite my assurances that we woudl call if there was any news and that I am really busy expressing and dealing with Violet and being bloody knackered. So I’m call screening. Oh for a ringer off switch. I should at least 1471 tho….Hope everyone is well!!! xxxxx

originally posted on babycentre community board; x-posted to www.handprints.org.uk/pixiejos-previous-blogs.html

How are Jo and Baby ivy??

August 30, 2009 Leave a comment

Updated 31/08/2009

Hey ladies!! aw bless you ((((hugs)))) I’m really touched you’re thinking of me and Ivy!

Ivy is doing really well, she has 2 to 2 and a half hours off her CPAP every 6 hours. Feeding has been a bit stop and go, she seems to be having a bit of trouble digesting the milk, and keeps filling herself up with wind; so they stop the milk x-ray her belly, find nothing and start again. She better start getting hungry, I’ve managed to fill an entire drawer of the NNU milk freezer with expressed milk, and have no space at home as we’re living off cheap and easy freezer stuff! We have had her out to have cuddles 3 times now, hooray! and they normally save a nappy change for us too, it’s a bit Krypton Factor trying to change a tiny baby who seems to be entirely made of knees through 2 tiny portholes beside her, but at least she doesn’t kick me in the belly and try to escape like her big sister!

I am massively grumpy and really tired and super paranoid about getting colds to the point where I keep convincing myself I have one and can’t go and visit Ivy at the hospital. I *think* I’m virus free though….I panic every time the phone rings, thinking it’s the hospital and we’re getting a lot of phone calls at the moment. But otherwise well!! Anyway I have to express, again, and then we’re back off to the hospital!!

I hope all you lovely ladies are all cooking well, so sorry I’m not getting to read the board really at all just now 😦 lots of love and hugs to you all!!! xxxx

Jo x

originally posted on babycentre community board; x-posted to www.handprints.org.uk/pixiejos-previous-blogs.html