when did being a hippy mum give folk the right to be horrid and sanctimonious?

Sorry perhaps I’m being a little over sensitive, I wanted to be a hippy earth mother, I felt terribly cheated that circumstances meant that many of the hippy options were taken away from me.  Mostly though I felt the lack of support from hippier groups and people, that if I didn’t do it tyheir way I was failing or selfish.

I’m lucky enough to live somewhere where breast feeding is the norm, where there are a variety of friendly helpful staff who will advise on how to breastfeed. They’ll come to your house and help you get a latch and give advice on how to express. What there wasn’t was any support at all when these things weren’t working. They had many eco friendly ideas for getting more milk, fenugreek tablets, masssage and similar, but no advice at all about formula feeding. There was no advice anywhere on the most hippy way to formula feed, it was literally years too late before I found out about glass bottles.

I’m just abit angry after reading a post last night on a forum I read regularly where some sanctimonious hippy bint said that fomula fed babies are ‘unfinished’ ….GGGGRRaaaagghHHHHHH! Oh my goodness! Whatever happened to hippies being about peace and love and supporting each other to make the best choices possible??/

It is so very sad that there are mum’s like her; that there are people who make such snap judgements without taking any other factors into consideration. Those mums who sneer at you for getting a bottle out in public like somehow yuo’re letting the side down, who don’t stop to ask whether it is in fact breast milk in that bottle.

I loathe this idea that because I don’t co-sleep that I am letting my child down. That because I don’t have her in a sling continually she is going to be deficient. I am very pleased for aforementioned sanctimonious hippy b*tch that she managed to have the natural home birth so many of us wished for, I’m so pleased for her that she breastfed with no problems, has the option of cosleeping and the time and support to be able to do all the continuum parenting she bleats on about. It is very nice that it works for her. But I do wish, wholeheartedly, that there were some folks out there who could dilute their own hippy stance on things to make it accessible for us mums who don’t have all those options.  So that those of us who aren’t perfect could have support to be more hippified and eco friendly without being made to feel like a total failure for not breast feeding/co sleeping. cloth bumming.

Cos I’d put good f*cking money on bints like her and many others who have the audacity for calling me selfish and lazy for formula feeding my lactose intolerant baby don’t buy all local organic food or grow their own, that they aren’t powered entirely by green means, and that they all have cars that drink fossil fuels.  I wonder if they have time to recycle or make their own shampoo from soapnuts, I wonder if they spend as much time on the net researching FSC friendly wooden fair trade toys as they do on forums making us all feel like utter failures for not parenting as they do.

My message to you so called hippys, unless you’re breastfeeding as you write your condescending message on how I’m failing my kids on a computer made with recycled plastic powered only by the sun – shut up.

Makes. me. so. angry.

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recycled parcels all tied up with tape

Sooo today my soap nuts arrived! whoo!! No more detergent for me, well if it all goes well anyway. 2 washes down seeing as we cleared our coat hooks of winter garb, so far so good, tonight is the true test with the nappy wash! They arrived wrapped in carrier bags and loads of tape, I like recycled packaging!
I thought it may be weird that it doesn’t really sud up, but then I realised that
a) I don’t sit and watch the washing machine so honestly couldn’t tell you how much anything else sudded up anyway (well not since it was new, when for a day or two it was more interesting than the tv. 12 years of laundrette will do that to ya)
b) I don’t *think* the tesco Eco stuff I had been using sudded up much
and c) my washing machine is always crammed full, I couldn’t see bubbles and suds if I wanted too!

So having to cut down to 3/4 loads for the soap nuts to work will probably also lengthen the lifespan of the washer, which can’t be bad.

The stuff has all line dried so far, and it does feel as soft as if it had had fabric softener, which is good, but it is sort of odd that it doesn’t smell. I had got used to the yummy natural softeners I had found, the Tesco Almond milk was yummy and the new Ecover Summer Fresh smelled of lemons and coconut, it was all I could do not to eat it!! But to be honest, as yummy as they are I do want to cut back on the amount of plastic I consume, and while I can’t profess to know all that much about chemicals and their effects, I’m sure that the local water table could do without fabric softener.  So as recommended in the instructions I’ll need to find a yummy essential oil to pop in teh fabric softener drawer to get everything smelling nice again, will see how that works out.

Apart from that the sun has been out, and means that everyone chats while yuo’re out, which is fab. However I couldve done without the tramp asking, in ref to Ivy asleep in her sling, if he could sleep in my bosom…..*shudders*  And our local chemist is failing again, yesterday a lady I did not recognise informed me that they did not stock the pepti-junior we’ve been ordering from that very shop for the last 6 months….we managed to get 2 of our 4 tins, went back today to find that the chemist had apparently sent the wrong sort of milk. Fingers crossed that tomorrow we can get her milk, seeing as everything else will make her sick. And while I’m enjoying trying out the soapnuts, I’m not that fond of laundry!!!

would anyone be surprised if I said we’re *still* here?

19/10/2009·public·171 visits · notify me ?

we are. we have not moved anywhere at all yet. 12 days of being packed and ready to drop everything and go. Suppose I can’t really get much sympathy from a load of pregnant women approaching their due dates though haha!!! Well at least one aspect of the last bit of my pregnancy I’m still getting to experience, fabulous.I did ask the nurses what happens next, what happens if a cot doesn’t become available but they were suitably vague, said they’d just keep phoning every day. I’m trying not to worry about it, they seem confident that a cot will appear, but I’m starting to doubt it a little. One must come available at some point I suppose, bah. Trying not to worry about how the wait will affect Ivy, they don’t want to start feeds until her belly has been sorted really, and my poor little chick seems so hungry. Bless her poor poppet! But with each passing day that she’s not being treated, her going home date is going back, yeah I know we don’t have a ‘going home’ date as such, but it’s still going to delay things. So much for aiming for her due date, it seems really unlikely we’ll be home by the 28th its less than 10 days! Boo.

Ivy is still in ICU, though she has ditched her antibiotics now! Hooray! infection 2 cleared, well done poppet! Not really much to say further than that.

Just this interminable bloody waiting! Starting to send me bonkers I think.

pixiejo · you!
Updated 19/10/2009

Aw bless you Karen!!!

Yeah I must admit to being a teency bit jealous of all those lovely ladies getting to take their babies home when 9 and a half weeks in I still have to ask permission to get a cuddle and don’t get to every day 😦 Aaah our times will come!!! Waiting sucks!

Jo x

pixiejo · you!
Updated 19/10/2009

So much waiting with these babies!!! Hope the next couple of weeks goes quickly for you Antonella!

Until the babies and the cuddles come, chocolate, lots and lots of chocolate!! No point dieting before Xmas after all!! 🙂

Jo x

pixiejo · you!
Updated 21 hours ago

Heard today they’re going to start giving Ivy 0.5mil of milk every 6 hours; more of a tease than food really, bless her! But it’s a start at least 🙂

Antonella, there are crisps if you prefer! 😉 hee!

Jo, you’re right it is a long time, haven’t been able to do a proper shop for a fortnight just in case – amazing how buying little bits to last a couple of days costs so much more! I was thinking of just going to Bristol and plonking my big, fat, post pregnancy bottom down the moment anyone moves an inch to bagsy the space for Ivy. But I know that really all the cots are being taken by babies with more urgent problems and I’d feel awful for them if I did that! So indeed fingers crossed for a quick recovery for some gorgeous little mite to go home with their mum!!! 😀

Hope you’re all well lovelies xxxx

Jo x

See previous titles

14/10/2009·public·133 visits · notify me ?

Yup we’re still in sunny Cornwall, for the time being.So thought I’d pop up here and say hi!

After all I was saying about giving blood the other day; I had blood taken yesterday by one of the neonatal drs, they did it with a butterfly thing instead of the usual vacuum things the midwives use. Sorry that’s less than clear huh? And for the first time ever I came over all wooshy as it was being done! I’ve never fainted or anything when having blood taken before, even after Violet was born when they took my blood every few hours cos of the pre-eclampsia!! Nuts! Maybe it was the watching it go down the tube…who knows!

Things are tootling along here, still not sure what’s happening re: Bristol. Ivy’s infection markers have come down, everything else seems stable, we got to have a cuddle last night too! They’ve had to put another long line in, poor chick, they had such trouble getting one in her arm, and she had cannulas in both legs at the time, so sh’es had to have it through a vein in her scalp. It sounds much worse than it is to be honest! At least in her scalp she can still swing her arms about, which she seems to enjoy, and she can’t pull on it, which has to be uncomfortable. And if the infection passes, which it looks like it is, then she can go back onto milk and it can come out again.

It’s been a tough week, hopefully we’re past the worst now. Glad that today, so far, there’s not been any phone calls. Of course it’s lovely that our families take an interest in it all, bless them. I try and keep them updated by text and, sadly, by facebook *ahem* and naturally if there was any important news I’d phone them all. But they all phone, inevitably all on the same day, and it’s tiring. I feel like I need to adjust everything I say according to how they’re taking it; when I said to my dad’s wife today that we’re still here, she started gushing about how wonderful news that was, hooray how fabulous, etc. It thoroughly confused me, I don’t know if she picked me up wrong, we are still going to Bristol, just not today….. And when I told gran that Ivy had another infection the other day she came rushing over and hovered at me. It’s tough, I don’t want to worry family unnecessarily, but I don’t want them thinking everything is just shiny either! When Violet was in hospital it was easier to let everyone believe everything was dandy, and largely everything was mainly ok, but I feel I need them to be aware of how much more delicate Ivy is. Even if just to stop them asking me when she’s coming home, which I imagine is as annoying as the questions all you pregnant ladies get ‘when is that baby coming?’ ‘haven’t you had that baby yet?’ I remember my mum getting really annoyed and telling people that in fact yes, the baby was here and she was pregnant again already. And offering people photos to save them staring…..Anyway, doesn’t really work for me. Must think of something witty.

Also I don’t want them thinking all is well cos they keep buying Ivy things, and I find it really hard to take. I’m still scared she’s not here to stay, I can’t imagine bringing her home, every time I start enjoying her something knocks us back. I have a few photos about but everything else gets put away, I don’t want to see these reminders everywhere that my baby isnt with me, even when it’s going well really. It’s lovely that they’re excited about having a new addition to the family, but in many ways I’m trying to treat it like I’m still pregnant, but the fact that she’s not home doesn’t have any impact on them, we have to live in it. I wish they’d give us the space to come to them to tell them things rather than phoning demanding all the time, I don’t have the energy for it. And the recurrence of PMT and the witch does not help any!

Wow that all turned out to be much more miserable than I had intended! Sorry! Ark at me all maudlin, when today actually things are going well. Meh. Must tidy the kitchen and phone up to see how my little chick is getting on, hooray! 😀

pixiejo · you!
Updated 14/10/2009

Bless you lovely! I should really only post journals after I’ve visited Ivy, when my sun is shining 😀 ((((big hugs)))) Thanks for your lovely message chick!

There’s also an element of excitement to the not being able to imagine her coming home though, if that makes any sense?! I know her coming home is going to change everything about all of our lives unrecognisably and I just can’t imagine it, but I am looking forward to finding out. 🙂 And yeah in my more maudlin moments like earlier, I can’t imagine her coming home and I don’t want to try and picture it just in case she doesn’t. But I try not to think about it too much, to be honest I couldn’t picture Violet coming home either, and she’s been here for 2 years and now I can’t imagine there ever being a time when she was not here!!

Sometimes it is easier to give people the answer they want to hear when they ask how things are isnt it?! Bless you you’ve not had an easy pregnancy, I’m sure you must be sick to the back teeth of people saying stupid things like ‘oh you’ll be blooming soon’  so I’ll refrain 🙂 Take care lovely xxxx

Jo x

originally posted on babycentre community board; x-posted to www.handprints.org.uk/pixiejos-previous-blogs.html

We’re STILL here.

12/10/2009·public·219 visits · notify me ?

Humpf. There hasn’t been a cot, though in fairness ivy has still been poorly and the consultant didn’t want to transfer her until she’s stable. When I last posted her blood sugar was really high, it then dropped far too low and didn’t recover even after various dextrose top ups, poor chick. Seems to be fine and stable now. It was a urine infection this time, the bacteria bein the most common type to infect premmies apparently so they can narrow down the amount of antibiotics they’re giving her. Still updating for meningitis same as last time, they don’t want to do a lumbar puncture as they’re only just got her clotting sorted, so it’s a just in case at least. She seems perkier and obviously hungry which is good. It took her longer to seem perky last time, so hopefully that is her getting better. Also me and dh have been asked to have blood tests so they can rule stuff out and they wont tell me over the phone what the test is for… Hmmm probably not nearly as exciting as it sounds. Anyway, must get on with cooking tea so we can go visiting. As for bristol, who knows? Wednesday they say, perhaps. Not holding my breath though, question is should I go shopping? Don’t want to buy food that we wont get to eat… Feeling a bit bleh.

pixiejo · you!
Updated 12/10/2009

Ha! Forgot posting from a phone means predictive text! Who knew treating and updating used the same keys? 🙂

Jo x

pixiejo · you!
Updated 12/10/2009

Just back from our evening visit, doesn’t look like we’ll be off anywhere tomorrow either, they want to make sure ivy is more stable so leaving it until wednesday until they start talking to bristol again. So more waiting certainly. I got to have cuddles tonight which was lovely as its been nearly a week since my last cuddle. It would have been lovely but ivy started taking huge breaths and big twitches, not jittering like a fit but twitches. I got to stroke her head while they took blood, it’s truly amazing how quickly they can run the basic tests, less than 10 minutes, all came back clear. Glad the dr was there though, she was explaining the blood tests we have to have. Something to do with enzymes and blood sugar, to further rule out conditions that may be causing ivy’s prolonged jaundice. They can’t use her blood as too much of its not actually hers currently! So not that exciting. Anyway i’m just typing again. Rambling. Starting to get quite depressed, not sad just numb, so in a way doing this from a phone is quite therapeutic. I can only see 3 lines at a time and can’t over think. Just get it out! So, i’m very sorry if i’m boring you all to pieces with my miserable ramblings on! Meh maybe the david attenborough program will take my mind off it a little.

Jo x

originally posted on babycentre community board; x-posted to www.handprints.org.uk/pixiejos-previous-blogs.html

Still here!

11/10/2009·public·190 visits · notify me ?

Ivy seems to have perked right back up,  she was fairly quiet yesterday while I was there until they gave her a blood transfusion, I swear it’d only been going 5 minutes when you could see a marked improvement in here. Oxygen sats when straight up, her heart rate came back up to what I think of as normal (it had been in a normal range, but at the low end of it) and she stared wriggling! And before 10mils of new blood had gone in she was screaming and trying to suck anything that went remotely near her mouth – her hands, tubes, blankets, think she may be hungry!

She had to have a plasma transufusion too as the infection had meant her clotting factors had come right down and the consultant did not want to transfer her while she was anaemic and not clotting properly.

Please remind me to bite the bullet and give some blood when all this is done! Even if I only do it once! She’s had at least 5 red blood cell transfusions, 3 of plasma and 2 of platelets, all in such teeny tiny amounts (biggest was a grand 23 mils yesterday!), but there’s no doubt in my mind she’d not be here were it not for them. And now I feel silly for not having done it before now, having crap veins isn’t the best excuse is it? They can find veins on Ivy and all the other dinky tiny bambinis, I’m sure the people who do it everyday for their job can find mine! Right?!

Meh, anywho, no cots came available yesterday anyway. Nothing was said earlier when I called, guess we’ll see after the ward round today. Today would be a good day to go, all our babysitters are available, traffic would be ok and parking shouldn’t be too much of a nightmare; tomorrow however…..

originally posted on babycentre community board; x-posted to www.handprints.org.uk/pixiejos-previous-blogs.html

and the early morning call said

10/10/2009·public·237 visits · notify me ?

she is grumpy! Hurrah!

Ivy woke at 1 and demanded to know why she had not been fed for 12 hours, she’s been sucking on her dummy clearly hoping that sucking harder will produce milk! (yeah I thought dummies were evil too, amazing how a screaming baby changes your mind no?!) She’s looking a lot pinker this morning, which is fab cos she had gone an awful funny colour by the time I left last night….

And when they did the standard Bristol call at 5am (!?!?!) to check for cot availability there was not a cot, but there may well be a cot later. So still potentially go for lift off; so they must be happier with Ivy than they were yesterday!!! She’s on all the antibiotics she was on last time, and also the antibiotics they use to treat NEC even though they’re fairly sure that’s not causing the problem. Which is good cos frankly NEC sounds nasty. I have learned my lesson about googling things, repeatedly unfortunately, but this is one of the more common nasties and so it’s covered in the premmie book I have.

I’m beginning to wonder whether Ivy has in fact read the premmie book too and is using it as some kind of check list ofthings to do before she leaves hospital…..well so long as she doesn’t try and find herself a twin at this point……

THank you all so much for your lovely comments, I really appreciate it! I am honoured, humbled and flattered you all take the time to read and comment. Bless ya all, you are lovely! yuor babys and bumps are very lucky to have mummmys like you guys xxxxx

originally posted on babycentre community board; x-posted to www.handprints.org.uk/pixiejos-previous-blogs.html