would anyone be surprised if I said we’re *still* here?

19/10/2009·public·171 visits · notify me ?

we are. we have not moved anywhere at all yet. 12 days of being packed and ready to drop everything and go. Suppose I can’t really get much sympathy from a load of pregnant women approaching their due dates though haha!!! Well at least one aspect of the last bit of my pregnancy I’m still getting to experience, fabulous.I did ask the nurses what happens next, what happens if a cot doesn’t become available but they were suitably vague, said they’d just keep phoning every day. I’m trying not to worry about it, they seem confident that a cot will appear, but I’m starting to doubt it a little. One must come available at some point I suppose, bah. Trying not to worry about how the wait will affect Ivy, they don’t want to start feeds until her belly has been sorted really, and my poor little chick seems so hungry. Bless her poor poppet! But with each passing day that she’s not being treated, her going home date is going back, yeah I know we don’t have a ‘going home’ date as such, but it’s still going to delay things. So much for aiming for her due date, it seems really unlikely we’ll be home by the 28th its less than 10 days! Boo.

Ivy is still in ICU, though she has ditched her antibiotics now! Hooray! infection 2 cleared, well done poppet! Not really much to say further than that.

Just this interminable bloody waiting! Starting to send me bonkers I think.

pixiejo · you!
Updated 19/10/2009

Aw bless you Karen!!!

Yeah I must admit to being a teency bit jealous of all those lovely ladies getting to take their babies home when 9 and a half weeks in I still have to ask permission to get a cuddle and don’t get to every day 😦 Aaah our times will come!!! Waiting sucks!

Jo x

pixiejo · you!
Updated 19/10/2009

So much waiting with these babies!!! Hope the next couple of weeks goes quickly for you Antonella!

Until the babies and the cuddles come, chocolate, lots and lots of chocolate!! No point dieting before Xmas after all!! 🙂

Jo x

pixiejo · you!
Updated 21 hours ago

Heard today they’re going to start giving Ivy 0.5mil of milk every 6 hours; more of a tease than food really, bless her! But it’s a start at least 🙂

Antonella, there are crisps if you prefer! 😉 hee!

Jo, you’re right it is a long time, haven’t been able to do a proper shop for a fortnight just in case – amazing how buying little bits to last a couple of days costs so much more! I was thinking of just going to Bristol and plonking my big, fat, post pregnancy bottom down the moment anyone moves an inch to bagsy the space for Ivy. But I know that really all the cots are being taken by babies with more urgent problems and I’d feel awful for them if I did that! So indeed fingers crossed for a quick recovery for some gorgeous little mite to go home with their mum!!! 😀

Hope you’re all well lovelies xxxx

Jo x

See previous titles

14/10/2009·public·133 visits · notify me ?

Yup we’re still in sunny Cornwall, for the time being.So thought I’d pop up here and say hi!

After all I was saying about giving blood the other day; I had blood taken yesterday by one of the neonatal drs, they did it with a butterfly thing instead of the usual vacuum things the midwives use. Sorry that’s less than clear huh? And for the first time ever I came over all wooshy as it was being done! I’ve never fainted or anything when having blood taken before, even after Violet was born when they took my blood every few hours cos of the pre-eclampsia!! Nuts! Maybe it was the watching it go down the tube…who knows!

Things are tootling along here, still not sure what’s happening re: Bristol. Ivy’s infection markers have come down, everything else seems stable, we got to have a cuddle last night too! They’ve had to put another long line in, poor chick, they had such trouble getting one in her arm, and she had cannulas in both legs at the time, so sh’es had to have it through a vein in her scalp. It sounds much worse than it is to be honest! At least in her scalp she can still swing her arms about, which she seems to enjoy, and she can’t pull on it, which has to be uncomfortable. And if the infection passes, which it looks like it is, then she can go back onto milk and it can come out again.

It’s been a tough week, hopefully we’re past the worst now. Glad that today, so far, there’s not been any phone calls. Of course it’s lovely that our families take an interest in it all, bless them. I try and keep them updated by text and, sadly, by facebook *ahem* and naturally if there was any important news I’d phone them all. But they all phone, inevitably all on the same day, and it’s tiring. I feel like I need to adjust everything I say according to how they’re taking it; when I said to my dad’s wife today that we’re still here, she started gushing about how wonderful news that was, hooray how fabulous, etc. It thoroughly confused me, I don’t know if she picked me up wrong, we are still going to Bristol, just not today….. And when I told gran that Ivy had another infection the other day she came rushing over and hovered at me. It’s tough, I don’t want to worry family unnecessarily, but I don’t want them thinking everything is just shiny either! When Violet was in hospital it was easier to let everyone believe everything was dandy, and largely everything was mainly ok, but I feel I need them to be aware of how much more delicate Ivy is. Even if just to stop them asking me when she’s coming home, which I imagine is as annoying as the questions all you pregnant ladies get ‘when is that baby coming?’ ‘haven’t you had that baby yet?’ I remember my mum getting really annoyed and telling people that in fact yes, the baby was here and she was pregnant again already. And offering people photos to save them staring…..Anyway, doesn’t really work for me. Must think of something witty.

Also I don’t want them thinking all is well cos they keep buying Ivy things, and I find it really hard to take. I’m still scared she’s not here to stay, I can’t imagine bringing her home, every time I start enjoying her something knocks us back. I have a few photos about but everything else gets put away, I don’t want to see these reminders everywhere that my baby isnt with me, even when it’s going well really. It’s lovely that they’re excited about having a new addition to the family, but in many ways I’m trying to treat it like I’m still pregnant, but the fact that she’s not home doesn’t have any impact on them, we have to live in it. I wish they’d give us the space to come to them to tell them things rather than phoning demanding all the time, I don’t have the energy for it. And the recurrence of PMT and the witch does not help any!

Wow that all turned out to be much more miserable than I had intended! Sorry! Ark at me all maudlin, when today actually things are going well. Meh. Must tidy the kitchen and phone up to see how my little chick is getting on, hooray! 😀

pixiejo · you!
Updated 14/10/2009

Bless you lovely! I should really only post journals after I’ve visited Ivy, when my sun is shining 😀 ((((big hugs)))) Thanks for your lovely message chick!

There’s also an element of excitement to the not being able to imagine her coming home though, if that makes any sense?! I know her coming home is going to change everything about all of our lives unrecognisably and I just can’t imagine it, but I am looking forward to finding out. 🙂 And yeah in my more maudlin moments like earlier, I can’t imagine her coming home and I don’t want to try and picture it just in case she doesn’t. But I try not to think about it too much, to be honest I couldn’t picture Violet coming home either, and she’s been here for 2 years and now I can’t imagine there ever being a time when she was not here!!

Sometimes it is easier to give people the answer they want to hear when they ask how things are isnt it?! Bless you you’ve not had an easy pregnancy, I’m sure you must be sick to the back teeth of people saying stupid things like ‘oh you’ll be blooming soon’  so I’ll refrain 🙂 Take care lovely xxxx

Jo x

originally posted on babycentre community board; x-posted to www.handprints.org.uk/pixiejos-previous-blogs.html

We’re STILL here.

12/10/2009·public·219 visits · notify me ?

Humpf. There hasn’t been a cot, though in fairness ivy has still been poorly and the consultant didn’t want to transfer her until she’s stable. When I last posted her blood sugar was really high, it then dropped far too low and didn’t recover even after various dextrose top ups, poor chick. Seems to be fine and stable now. It was a urine infection this time, the bacteria bein the most common type to infect premmies apparently so they can narrow down the amount of antibiotics they’re giving her. Still updating for meningitis same as last time, they don’t want to do a lumbar puncture as they’re only just got her clotting sorted, so it’s a just in case at least. She seems perkier and obviously hungry which is good. It took her longer to seem perky last time, so hopefully that is her getting better. Also me and dh have been asked to have blood tests so they can rule stuff out and they wont tell me over the phone what the test is for… Hmmm probably not nearly as exciting as it sounds. Anyway, must get on with cooking tea so we can go visiting. As for bristol, who knows? Wednesday they say, perhaps. Not holding my breath though, question is should I go shopping? Don’t want to buy food that we wont get to eat… Feeling a bit bleh.

pixiejo · you!
Updated 12/10/2009

Ha! Forgot posting from a phone means predictive text! Who knew treating and updating used the same keys? 🙂

Jo x

pixiejo · you!
Updated 12/10/2009

Just back from our evening visit, doesn’t look like we’ll be off anywhere tomorrow either, they want to make sure ivy is more stable so leaving it until wednesday until they start talking to bristol again. So more waiting certainly. I got to have cuddles tonight which was lovely as its been nearly a week since my last cuddle. It would have been lovely but ivy started taking huge breaths and big twitches, not jittering like a fit but twitches. I got to stroke her head while they took blood, it’s truly amazing how quickly they can run the basic tests, less than 10 minutes, all came back clear. Glad the dr was there though, she was explaining the blood tests we have to have. Something to do with enzymes and blood sugar, to further rule out conditions that may be causing ivy’s prolonged jaundice. They can’t use her blood as too much of its not actually hers currently! So not that exciting. Anyway i’m just typing again. Rambling. Starting to get quite depressed, not sad just numb, so in a way doing this from a phone is quite therapeutic. I can only see 3 lines at a time and can’t over think. Just get it out! So, i’m very sorry if i’m boring you all to pieces with my miserable ramblings on! Meh maybe the david attenborough program will take my mind off it a little.

Jo x

originally posted on babycentre community board; x-posted to www.handprints.org.uk/pixiejos-previous-blogs.html

and the early morning call said

10/10/2009·public·237 visits · notify me ?

she is grumpy! Hurrah!

Ivy woke at 1 and demanded to know why she had not been fed for 12 hours, she’s been sucking on her dummy clearly hoping that sucking harder will produce milk! (yeah I thought dummies were evil too, amazing how a screaming baby changes your mind no?!) She’s looking a lot pinker this morning, which is fab cos she had gone an awful funny colour by the time I left last night….

And when they did the standard Bristol call at 5am (!?!?!) to check for cot availability there was not a cot, but there may well be a cot later. So still potentially go for lift off; so they must be happier with Ivy than they were yesterday!!! She’s on all the antibiotics she was on last time, and also the antibiotics they use to treat NEC even though they’re fairly sure that’s not causing the problem. Which is good cos frankly NEC sounds nasty. I have learned my lesson about googling things, repeatedly unfortunately, but this is one of the more common nasties and so it’s covered in the premmie book I have.

I’m beginning to wonder whether Ivy has in fact read the premmie book too and is using it as some kind of check list ofthings to do before she leaves hospital…..well so long as she doesn’t try and find herself a twin at this point……

THank you all so much for your lovely comments, I really appreciate it! I am honoured, humbled and flattered you all take the time to read and comment. Bless ya all, you are lovely! yuor babys and bumps are very lucky to have mummmys like you guys xxxxx

originally posted on babycentre community board; x-posted to www.handprints.org.uk/pixiejos-previous-blogs.html

A very quiet Hooray!

I daren’t go for a huge Hooray in case somehow I celebrate too loud and break it… But for the last 2 days ivy has returned to high dependency! It is so much nicer there, they have a radio, comfy chairs and everything! Just don’t quite believe she’s back there, it’s fab but just don’t quite feel comfortable really celebrating it a second time round. Don’t know if it makes sense really. Hmmm. Maybe it’s having our bubble burst once already or maybe it’s meeting other babies and parents. Ivy’s neighbour when she was in hdu last time had been doing really well, there was talk of the ‘h’ word we all wanna hear. And she’s just been transferred via intensive care to a different bigger hospital, it’ll be the third time she’s been. Just awful to go from planning homecoming to having such a leap backwards. My heart goes out to them 😦 ivy is doing really well though! The thing they measure in her blood (crp) has come right down, though not gone yet and she’s now on 4mils of milk an hour! And in clothes! She’s such a wee star! But somehow all going well seems to worry me more. Blah, think I just need much more sleep!!! Anyway hope this makes sense, updating from phone means I can’t proof read… Sorry if it makes no sense at all 🙂

originally posted on babycentre community board; x-posted to www.handprints.org.uk/pixiejos-previous-blogs.html

Where did the time go?

12/09/2009·public·180 visits · notify me ?

Ivy is 4 whole weeks old today! Where have 4 weeks gone? But yet and at the same time, it seems eons ago I was pregnant….And for the first time since tuesday we’ll be able to go and visit!!! And we have babysitters already in place (well they’ve had a week off haven’t they?! ;p) for tonight, tomorrow and possibly monday too!

I also figured out, somewhat sadly, that I only discovered I was pregnant 6 months ago on monday, how can she be 4 weeks old already?! I’d have only been 34 weeks this wednesday coming. Oh well I haven’t made this far with either baby, so at least I don’t konw what I’m missing now!

As of yesterday, Ivy is fully milk fed, all 5mils an hour of it, bless her, stil hardly a drop at a time! So she’s finally had her long line taken out!!! One less drip, in fact possibly all drips gone, but lets not celebrate til I can see to check! 😀 She was a big brave soldier about it too, they give the tinies dextrose syrup for pain relief (not sure how it works, but I’ve seen how Violet reacted to it, sugar – good!) and she just stared at them through the whole procedure! She’s also survived her newborn hearing screen, premmie eye test which’ll be done again in 2 weeks and she’s been put on something called the ‘King’s regime’ for her jaundice, which is apparently a variety of vitamins and supplements added to her milk developed by King’s College, but for once google is failing me, I can’t find anything about it! And it’s tough to get all the relevant details over the phone, guess we’ll find out tonight! Hooray!

Happy sunny saturday all!!! xxx

originally posted on babycentre community board; x-posted to www.handprints.org.uk/pixiejos-previous-blogs.html

Jojo stuck at home and sulking

10/09/2009·public·250 visits · notify me ?

Sulking muchly!

When Violet was ill at the beginning of the week we thought it was something she ate, especially cos it came on suddenly. Seems we were wrong, both me and hubby spent yesterday sleeping in shifts, to watch Violet, feeling like death warmed up; or totally overheated in my case. I have not felt that bad since recovering from alcohol posioning when I was 17, just grateful it passed quickly! All back to vague tired normality today thankfully! Nits last week, bugs this week, I’m beginning to think getting Violet babysat is more trouble than it’s worth.

So obviously we didn’t go to the hospital yesterday, and we can’t go now for at least another 48 hours til we know the bug has cleared from everybody; so at best saturday night, but more likely Sunday 😦 Poor little Ivy wont have any visitors til Sunday!!!

Ivy’s being kept busy though, she has her eye test today; apparently some very prem babies eyes don’t develop properly, the retinas don’t attach, so they’re checking hers in an hour. Yesterday she had another x-ray on her tummy, she’s still not pooing without suppositries (lovely!) so they had to check that there’s no blockages or swollen bits. The Barium that they put up to get the xray done seems to have solved the problem entirely, I’m glad I missed that nappy, especially in the state we were in! And on monday she’s having a hida scan, as she has prolonged conjugated jaundice. So they’re giving her phenobarbitol from yesterday, apparently this will make all the bilirubin stuff gather in her gall bladder, or maybe her liver, and then when they put the dye in and take all the pics on monday they’ll be able to see whether everything is draining through the gall bladder and liver as it should do. It wasn’t til I got home that I realised phenobarbitol is a sedative (duh) so she probably wont notice that we’re not there at least…..poor tiny one.

Oh and when I saw her last she was having 1 mil of milk an hour; today she’s up to 3 and a half mils an hour!

pixiejo · you!
Updated 11/09/2009

Aw thanks for all your hugs ladies! We’re all much better and have been yesterday so fingers and toes crossed we’ll get to go and visit tomorrow!

Ivy is doing superbly on her milk, when I rang in the evening for an update she’d gone up to 4.5mil an hour, if she continues to tolerate that then her long line will come out as she wont need the I.V. nutrition (TPN)!!! She’s managed to drop that to a mil an hour from 4.6 which is awesome! I believe she’s off the lipid already too. It’d be really lovely to see her without a line in each arm/leg, and the long line looks particularly uncomfy cos it goes in the top of her arm poor little chick!

She’s back to doing well with her breathing, we think she took exception to being moved as she had a couple of days of desats and braddies which are just hideous to see, and had to have a whole day on cpap. Back up to 2 hours on 4 hours off at the moment!

Hope yuo lovely ladies are all well xxx

Jo x

originally posted on babycentre community board; x-posted to www.handprints.org.uk/pixiejos-previous-blogs.html

so I’ve finally been discharged, Ivy is 3 weeks old!

5/09/2009·public·352 visits · notify me ?

For the difference it makes to be discharged, I’m in hospital every day anyway, just now I only have to visit one ward rather than 2!

I think I may have overdone it though, as Violet has been off with various babysitters she’s caught nits, just what we need right now! So I spent yesterday nit-combing a 2 year old, I’m sure you can all imagine how much fun that was. But because she was off staying at my bro’s last night I didn’t want to send her with the dreaded bugs just in case she hadn’t caught it from them, so I had to stomp all the way into town to buy the treatment stuff, which was probably silly seeing as I’m not meant to be pushing her anywhere right now, and then had to lift her in and out of the bath. But it had to be done. Only now I’m bleeding again, which I’m fairly sure I’m not meant to….and cos I’ve finally been discharged I don’t have any of the relevant phone numbers to see if it’s something to worry about….but at least I’m going back to the hospital this afternoon anyway. Sure it’s fine. Right?

Ivy is still pootl;ing along nicely, slow and steady. They have started weighing her, she did lose weight down to 1lb 6 so they started giving her fat (lipid) in her drip and she’s back up to 1lb7. And shes’ started to have some milk, just half a mil every 3 hours, and it’s still blowing her up like a balloon! She seems to have gone on poo strike again so they’re testing her for cystic fibrosis in case that’s whats causing it; but at least the lack of poo has meant they can get all the wee samples they need to find out whats causing her grey jaundice. She’s much more active and awake now which is lovely, her little mouth seems to constantly be on the search for food, and she’s having great fun removing her tubes and pulling off her CPAP. So while they say that she’s having 3 hours off breathing by herself every 6 hours, she’s actually having more cos she keeps pulling all the pipes off! When we arrived the other night she was chewing on them!

Anyway the phone is ringing again. It rings every 20minutes all morning, for the first week I panicked every time as I thought it was the hospital and would run for it. But it would seem that most of the family want daily bloody updates, despite my assurances that we woudl call if there was any news and that I am really busy expressing and dealing with Violet and being bloody knackered. So I’m call screening. Oh for a ringer off switch. I should at least 1471 tho….Hope everyone is well!!! xxxxx

originally posted on babycentre community board; x-posted to www.handprints.org.uk/pixiejos-previous-blogs.html

How are Jo and Baby ivy??

Updated 31/08/2009

Hey ladies!! aw bless you ((((hugs)))) I’m really touched you’re thinking of me and Ivy!

Ivy is doing really well, she has 2 to 2 and a half hours off her CPAP every 6 hours. Feeding has been a bit stop and go, she seems to be having a bit of trouble digesting the milk, and keeps filling herself up with wind; so they stop the milk x-ray her belly, find nothing and start again. She better start getting hungry, I’ve managed to fill an entire drawer of the NNU milk freezer with expressed milk, and have no space at home as we’re living off cheap and easy freezer stuff! We have had her out to have cuddles 3 times now, hooray! and they normally save a nappy change for us too, it’s a bit Krypton Factor trying to change a tiny baby who seems to be entirely made of knees through 2 tiny portholes beside her, but at least she doesn’t kick me in the belly and try to escape like her big sister!

I am massively grumpy and really tired and super paranoid about getting colds to the point where I keep convincing myself I have one and can’t go and visit Ivy at the hospital. I *think* I’m virus free though….I panic every time the phone rings, thinking it’s the hospital and we’re getting a lot of phone calls at the moment. But otherwise well!! Anyway I have to express, again, and then we’re back off to the hospital!!

I hope all you lovely ladies are all cooking well, so sorry I’m not getting to read the board really at all just now 😦 lots of love and hugs to you all!!! xxxx

Jo x

originally posted on babycentre community board; x-posted to www.handprints.org.uk/pixiejos-previous-blogs.html