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October 14, 2009 Leave a comment

14/10/2009public133 visits notify me ?

Yup we’re still in sunny Cornwall, for the time being.So thought I’d pop up here and say hi!

After all I was saying about giving blood the other day; I had blood taken yesterday by one of the neonatal drs, they did it with a butterfly thing instead of the usual vacuum things the midwives use. Sorry that’s less than clear huh? And for the first time ever I came over all wooshy as it was being done! I’ve never fainted or anything when having blood taken before, even after Violet was born when they took my blood every few hours cos of the pre-eclampsia!! Nuts! Maybe it was the watching it go down the tube…who knows!

Things are tootling along here, still not sure what’s happening re: Bristol. Ivy’s infection markers have come down, everything else seems stable, we got to have a cuddle last night too! They’ve had to put another long line in, poor chick, they had such trouble getting one in her arm, and she had cannulas in both legs at the time, so sh’es had to have it through a vein in her scalp. It sounds much worse than it is to be honest! At least in her scalp she can still swing her arms about, which she seems to enjoy, and she can’t pull on it, which has to be uncomfortable. And if the infection passes, which it looks like it is, then she can go back onto milk and it can come out again.

It’s been a tough week, hopefully we’re past the worst now. Glad that today, so far, there’s not been any phone calls. Of course it’s lovely that our families take an interest in it all, bless them. I try and keep them updated by text and, sadly, by facebook *ahem* and naturally if there was any important news I’d phone them all. But they all phone, inevitably all on the same day, and it’s tiring. I feel like I need to adjust everything I say according to how they’re taking it; when I said to my dad’s wife today that we’re still here, she started gushing about how wonderful news that was, hooray how fabulous, etc. It thoroughly confused me, I don’t know if she picked me up wrong, we are still going to Bristol, just not today….. And when I told gran that Ivy had another infection the other day she came rushing over and hovered at me. It’s tough, I don’t want to worry family unnecessarily, but I don’t want them thinking everything is just shiny either! When Violet was in hospital it was easier to let everyone believe everything was dandy, and largely everything was mainly ok, but I feel I need them to be aware of how much more delicate Ivy is. Even if just to stop them asking me when she’s coming home, which I imagine is as annoying as the questions all you pregnant ladies get ‘when is that baby coming?’ ‘haven’t you had that baby yet?’ I remember my mum getting really annoyed and telling people that in fact yes, the baby was here and she was pregnant again already. And offering people photos to save them staring…..Anyway, doesn’t really work for me. Must think of something witty.

Also I don’t want them thinking all is well cos they keep buying Ivy things, and I find it really hard to take. I’m still scared she’s not here to stay, I can’t imagine bringing her home, every time I start enjoying her something knocks us back. I have a few photos about but everything else gets put away, I don’t want to see these reminders everywhere that my baby isnt with me, even when it’s going well really. It’s lovely that they’re excited about having a new addition to the family, but in many ways I’m trying to treat it like I’m still pregnant, but the fact that she’s not home doesn’t have any impact on them, we have to live in it. I wish they’d give us the space to come to them to tell them things rather than phoning demanding all the time, I don’t have the energy for it. And the recurrence of PMT and the witch does not help any!

Wow that all turned out to be much more miserable than I had intended! Sorry! Ark at me all maudlin, when today actually things are going well. Meh. Must tidy the kitchen and phone up to see how my little chick is getting on, hooray! 馃榾

pixiejoyou!
Updated 14/10/2009

Bless you lovely! I should really only post journals after I’ve visited Ivy, when my sun is shining 馃榾 ((((big hugs)))) Thanks for your lovely message chick!

There’s also an element of excitement to the not being able to imagine her coming home though, if that makes any sense?! I know her coming home is going to change everything about all of our lives unrecognisably and I just can’t imagine it, but I am looking forward to finding out. 馃檪 And yeah in my more maudlin moments like earlier, I can’t imagine her coming home and I don’t want to try and picture it just in case she doesn’t. But I try not to think about it too much, to be honest I couldn’t picture Violet coming home either, and she’s been here for 2 years and now I can’t imagine there ever being a time when she was not here!!

Sometimes it is easier to give people the answer they want to hear when they ask how things are isnt it?! Bless you you’ve not had an easy pregnancy, I’m sure you must be sick to the back teeth of people saying stupid things like ‘oh you’ll be blooming soon’聽 so I’ll refrain 馃檪 Take care lovely xxxx

Jo x

originally posted on babycentre community board; x-posted to www.handprints.org.uk/pixiejos-previous-blogs.html

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aaaah swearing, lots of swearing!!!!!

October 9, 2009 Leave a comment

9/10/2009public208 visits notify me ?

gah what a super lame day! Yesterday I hovered over the phone and while it rang repeatedly, it wasn’t the hospital once. We’re all packed, all our babysitters are poised and ready, well as ready as this lot will ever get anyway!

I was updated by doctors, they hope it’s just a plug of meconium still; not completely blocking the intestines, but blocking it enough to fill her with gas and make her uncomfortable. So the plan of action would be to do a more specialised enema in the hope of osftening it and removing it. Sorry that’s probably TMI, but still. And obviously if that doesn’t solve it then surgery would be necessary, initially as investigation so we’d have to be in Bristol for that anyway.

Today I got to spend most of the day in the hospital; this morning they said that we would probably be heading for Bristol tomorrow asthey were looking to discharge someone tomorrow morning. But they had raised suspicions of another infection at the ward round and over the course of the day my poor little chick has become rather poorly again and this evening she has been moved back into intensive care. Again. THis morning as well as her distended tum and water retention, they thought they heard a crackly chest, then her blood sugar started to rise, and she started getting cold. By the time the confirmation came through with her CRP getting higher they had already put her nil by mouth and back on antibiotics. They think the infection is the same as last time, and quite probably caused by whatever is making her belly distended so they’re using the same antibiotics as before. Of course I dread that it’s something that we’ve taken in accidentally and given her.

They will still move her even with the infection, if she stays stable overnight, but when I phoned last they had had to give her pain medication as she keeps having braddies; so they’re assuming she’s in pain.so it looks like it’ll all be delayed. definately still goin, just probably not tomorrow.

And there’s no room in the hospital for us as they have quite a few out of counties, so we’d need to find our own place to stay.

I just want to go and get it over with, deal with whatever it brings and move on instead of being in this hideous limbo land waiting for the phone to ring, piosed to drop everything and go. As if merely having a baby in the NNU wasn’t limbo land enough, no longer pregnant – but no baby with you so not really a mum either. Just a ridculously regular visitor to the hospital sitting by a perspex box, hoping.

I’m so scared, and so tired of being scared all the fucking time. It just seems all so fucking unfair. I just hate having to watch her fight and fight always being so scared that this will be one fight too many. I hate leaving every night worried that this will be the last time I see her. I hate not being able to be there for more than a couple of short hours that fly by too quickly, I just wanted it all to be dull and normal and boring, why was boring too much to ask?

So maybe I’ll be able to update tomorrow, maybe we’ll be250 miles away from here

originally posted on babycentre community board; x-posted to www.handprints.org.uk/pixiejos-previous-blogs.html

All Clear!

October 2, 2009 Leave a comment

2/10/2009public192 visits notify me ?

Yesterday flew past at 100 miles an hour, but it was a good day!

Ivy finally made it over to Nuclear Science and got her HIDA scan, she looked really rather cosy in the travel incubator bless! And as you may have guessed it has come back all clear! Hooray! So today she’s back onto that king’s regime of vitamins to clear the jaundice out, and now she’s no longer fed TPN it should clear quickly too 馃檪

While I was in visiting during the day (which only happens on DH’s days off) the eye dr was doing the rounds. So I got to hold her while she was having her retinas looked at; and one the other lovely mummys was good enough to keep me distracted so I didn’t look, the dr told me not too as they have to pin the poor little poppet’s eyes open! Not for the faint hearted. He’s happy with the way the blood vessels are growing, so that too is all clear!

And also as she’s passed 35 weeks now (36 actually!) the parameters have changed on the monitors, so she had been in a little oxygen to keep her sats up and yesterday had it have it through nasal cannulas which she hated! Last night she went back into air, cannulas gone from the nose; and as all the antibiotics have been finished the cannula is out of her foot too!

I had my post natal check, which apart from relaying the whole story to my Dr and having a bit of laugh, was really rather dull.

Violet had her first speech and language session. Well, she played in the nursery and us parents got talked through various tips on how to encourage our reluctant chatterboxes. It was really lovely to be with other parents and not have to explain why Violet is like she is, as we’re all in the position!

And we got a tumble dryer 馃檪 nice, warm, dry washing instead of a kitchen constantly smelling of damp hooray!!!

originally posted on babycentre community board; x-posted to www.handprints.org.uk/pixiejos-previous-blogs.html

steps forward, steps back

September 15, 2009 Leave a comment

15/09/2009public193 visits notify me ?

So while we had been awway from the hospital Ivy had done really well with her feeding, gradually making it up to 5 and a half mils of milk an hour and cycling 2 hours on CPAP 4 hours breathing by herself. She was doing so well that when we saw her on Saturday she had had all of her lines out as she was fully milk fed!

Yesterday (Monday) Ivy was supposed to go for her Hida test to check her gall bladder function, seems Ivy had other ideas though.First thing in the morning her tummy gets all blown up again, so distended the skin was shiny like it was for about a week after she was born. This swelling pushes up onto her lungs too making it much harder for her to breathe, so when they come to pop her in the travel incubator for the big journey across the hospital she had a big desat & brady episode. So in the end they decided to leave her on the unit and reschedule for when she;s more stable. And while they were waiting for her to become more stable she had to return back into the intensive care unit for more careful monitoring. Back onto Nil-By-Mouth and drip feeding. Back off the King’s regime thingy. Back out of the clothes she’d only just made it into. And back beside the family that take up all the space. 馃槮

I managed to spend most of the afternoon with her today and was there when the doctors decided that she can gradually start having milk again which was much more positive, but nobody knows for sure why her belly keeps blowing up. Her x-rays and barium scan pics have been studied by the surgical team at Bristol Children’s hospital (it was them that decided she could eat again) and they’re happy there’s no obstruction and doesn’t need surgery, but it seems she still has quite a bit of meconium stuck up there, despite many stinky nappies now. They don’t know whether her jaundice is linked to the belly blowing up problem, that maybe if she starts having milk all the time and it all gets to function properly it could all resolve itself. But they have to firstly check that it isn’t any one of a number of other things, she’s on 3 lots of anitbiotics even though her blood tests have come back clean for infection. I guess I’m glad they’re being cautious to be on the safe side.

Just feel really bleh and numb about the whole thing, I’m trying to be jollier about it, now she’s more settled and stable again, but don’t seem able to properly pick myself back up. I dreamt she had died and no one was listening to me which was a bit harsh, can’t seem to quite shake that feeling now. Just really bloody tired.Anyway the lovely tesco man brings my shopping hurrah!

Hope you lovely ladies are having better days than me xxxx

originally posted on babycentre community board; x-posted to www.handprints.org.uk/pixiejos-previous-blogs.html

waiting to phone midwife. and how is everyone?!

Posted 14/7/09

oof why do worrying things happen at silly times in the morning? I’ve had the tiniest bit of pink discharge yesterday and today, none for the rest of the day yesterday or so far, just when I woke up to go wee at 5! baby is still kicking away like mad, so I’m assuming she’s ok! No pains, or tightenings or anything. But still slightly worrying!

And there was me thinking I could relax at 24 weeks!

((((hugs to everyone))))

Jo x

pixiejoyou!
Updated 14/07/2009

Hiya,

sorry I meant to reply earlier but I got sent in for day assessment by my midwife just to check everything was still closed, which it is! Hooray! All seems good, apparently I’ve got one of them rough patches on my cervix that’s causing the bleeding, there’s a funny word for it that sort of sounded like ‘erosion’?? I dunno, they’re not worried so I suppose I shouldn’t be *shrugs* Being back on knicker watch sucks tho!!! Thanks for your comments ladies, hope you’re all having a good day! xxxx

Jo x

originally posted on babycentre community board; x-posted to www.handprints.org.uk/pixiejos-previous-blogs.html

2nd consultant appointment down

pixiejoyou!

Posted 24/6/09

Hiya all,

2nd appointment down and I’ve come out of it really bleugh. I had the registrar rather than my consultant or the bloke I saw last time who was lovely, and while he is the man who delivered my beautiful Violet I hope I don’t see him again! He managed to give me exactly the same stats as the bloke I saw last time but in a really negative way which is sorta sh*te. The guy I saw last time was really happy for me to try for a normal natural birth and he said that the statistics were in my favour, I have a 70/80% chance, he even said he’d be happy to induce me as the risk is only 2%. The guy I saw today just kept going on about uterine rupture and how there’s a 1 in 200 chance of it happening, and how that risk increases if yuo’re induced. Gotta be honest I’m not a betting woman, but I’d not put money on something that only had a 1 in 200 chance of happeneing, would you?!?

I suppose it’d be a fair assumption that seeing as he did my last c-section that he’d be more up for doing it again, cos that what he does? Who knows! Also the last fella I saw said I’d see a consultant at 28 weeks, but this guy hasn’t booked me back in until I’m 32 weeks along, 10 weeks time…..I am so confused! I do get another scan at 30 weeks to see how bubba is growing tho, so not all bad 馃檪聽 But like, the consultant today said to give this bit of paper to Andrea (I have no clue who Andrea is, even now!!) to arrange the scan, so I accost a random passing member of staff, who immediately drags me into another waiting room to try and get the scan done today, on the basis that there’s ‘no time like the present’…well apart from the 10 weeks to soon part, I suppose not.

Amazing how the same statistics can sounds really positive from one person and awfully negative from another. Sorry for the essay! Hope yuo’re all well! x

Jo x

pixiejoyou!
Updated 24/06/2009

Indeed! Glad you managed to get appointments with yuor consultant, maybe it’s just these registrar folkses that like to bum us out? Now I have an image of them getting toegther and plotting how they can spin stuff negatively…..

I’m trying to look at it that it was my local (non-maternity) hospital I saw this guy at today, so therefore he’s not always at the maternity ward, so I’d have to really fairly unlucky to get him in my labour again right?!?! haha! I’m off to try that microwave mug cake from the current cravings thread, that’ll make it all better! 馃檪

Jo x

originally posted on babycentre community board; x-posted to www.handprints.org.uk/pixiejos-previous-blogs.html

Seen the consultant!

pixiejoyou!

Posted 20/5/09

Hi all, hope everyone is well!

Got to see my consultant today and he was lovely! GOt lots of numbers chucked at me, I’ve double the chance of getting pre-eclampsia again as I did first time, but that’s still only 30% chance, which is better than I thought. And even if I do get it again it’s likely not to be as bad as it was last time 馃檪 And he’s right behind me having a natural birth, says I’ve a good chance of doing it all normally which is fab! I was worried I’d have to have another section, but all being well I wont have to! Hooray!

I will have a ridiculous amount of appointments though, I’ll be seen every fortnight til 28 weeks then once a week til 40! I’m really glad my midwife and consultant seem really nice or that could be a total nightmare! And I guess by the time this little one arrives I’m going to be really good at aiming for those teeny tiny pee bottles. Only a 5minute appointment too I was expecting it to take ages!

Midwife tomorrow for 16 week too, fingers crossed we’ll get to hear the heartbeat!!

Jo x

pixiejoyou!
Updated 20/05/2009

I’m glad it’s not just me that has trouble with the tiny bottles! Aren’t they awful? Clearly designed by a bloke 馃檪 A funnel sounds like a really good idea, I may have to go buy one specially if I’m going to have to do it this often! Cracking idea! Sro, after the hassle some other ladies have had with appointments it’s a shame I can’t lend some of em out! I know I had to fight really hard to get booked in and stuff. Gone from feeling ignored to practically living in the drs!!

HI Laura hon, I had to see them this early to discuss my ‘plan of care’ after all the drama with my DD, I was meant to se them at 15 weeks, but sort of accidentally skipped that with all the date changing, I’m 17 weeks today. They only said about the actual birth bit cos I asked them, my next appointment with them is at 22weeks, which I think is when they were going to talk about it more…but I’m not sure tbh. You should check with your midwife, just to be sure tho, maybe just saying to her what you wanna do will be enough? Hope you get the birth you want either way! xxx

originally posted on babycentre community board; x-posted to www.handprints.org.uk/pixiejos-previous-blogs.html

Jo x