Archive for the ‘head shrinkage’ Category

sleeping babies make a long day better

October 13, 2010 Leave a comment

just have to hope they stay asleep! I do think that all things under about the age of 5 are pinchably cute when they’re asleep!!

Another busy day, so particularly appreciate having half an hours peace to watch Fawlty Towers. Nothing like watching Basil Fawlty rowing with himself about Waldorf Salad to bring a giggle.

Counselling this morning, what a fabulous opportunity to relive all the sucky events of the last couple of weeks and analyse why they bothered me. Joy. Well wasn’t really *that* bad. Same time same place next week, only this time hopefully I’ll remember to do and take my homework. Ah CBT, you are bleeding hard work.

The upside of being at the drs sans enfants is getting a wee bit of charity shopping done in peace. Kids clothes for 20p is not to be sniffed at.
Sorry for the relatively pointless blog. I will write thought provoking things one day. When I’m not so tired. Perhaps.

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a bit bloody complicated for me!

October 12, 2010 1 comment

I think I am doing really rather well today, I think.

Generally speaking I would rather pull out clumps of my own hair than phone anyone, especially anyone official. I do not know what terrible things I think will happen if I dare pick the phone up, but terrible things will occur! I have phoned the tax office, the hospital, my health visitor, a friend, and it’s only 3pm!

Similarly I will avoid baby groups and suchlike for fear of um… well for fear of other parents I suppose. Confession time – Ivy has *never* been to the local clinic, our health visitor has always come here as she was a premmie or she’s been weighed at the hospital. So today I have managed to get my sorry backside to the weighing clinic to find out how tubby Ivy now is, only to find I was the only parent there anyway. All that worry for nothing! I feel strangely let down. On the upside this means I got to speak to our health visitor about getting Violet’s statement in place for school, and now suddenly, she’s sorting the whole thing! Wasn’t what I intended when I went in, but hooray!!! As it turns out most of the phone calls I made today were related to this statementing, and all of them have required a referral from our health visitor anyway, so pretty much the whole sorting-out-school thing has been taken out of my hands. Superb!

And further to this I have also sorted a meeting with Violet’s nursery school’s SENCO too, so we can discuss her needs and set targets. Apparently. I am now going to survey special needs teachers I know to see if they can translate these things for me. I feel I am doing a lot of parroting and not a lot of understanding.

But for the moment, tea and biscuits are on the agenda.

friends I wont see again *rant alert*

September 22, 2010 Leave a comment

oh how things change, things we never intended to change, but change they have.

One friend who I love very much is dying in hospital. She’s an inspiration. At just 28 she has known for most of her life that it would be short, and that she wouldn’t be able to do many of the normal things we take for granted, like having kids or driving or having a career. She has cystic fybrosis. She has lived more in her 28 years than many do in 70, travelling, performing, studying.  She was recently placed on the lung donor list, but it doesn’t look like it’s going to happen in time for her. It’s terribly, horribly unfair.

On the other hand there’s an old friend who I left behind in Scotland. With his own flat, decent job, car and supportive family and friends, he seemed like he had it all. But for whatever reason he seems determined not to let it be so. He seems to thrive off of people’s sympathy, posting journals and facebook statuses aimed at making people ask if he is ok. He posted about how he was up at 7, which I joked was a lie in for us (Ivy likes 5am, no matter what I try to dissuade her) to which I got a snitty reply about how he’s having trouble sleeping. I feel for him, insomnia is horrid, but after nearly 10 years of doling out sympathy to someone who refuses to seek decent medical help, I refuse to offer more.  I appreciate too that he has got himself into a horrid situation, having lost his job through illness, and then the domino effect of losing his flat and car, these are terrible things. On the other hand he has hated his job since I met him in 2002, but he always refused to look for alternate employment or retrain. He seemed to enjoy hating it, thriving off the sympathy and shared ranting it brought.

It is wholly annoying to have a ‘friend’ so desperately begging for sympathy and attention, I wonder whether actually they actively exacerbate their mental problems in order to gain more attention rather than address the issue in a healthy way. Either way I am tired of it. Over the last few years I have put myself out there for this friend, as much as I can living 500 miles away and with children, and so often he has avoided meetings, and ignored phone calls. We visit at least once a year and arranged to meet him each and every time, and with each visit he finds a reason not to. This last visit he simply refused to answer our calls, texts and emails. And here he is not 3 months later back begging sympathy.

And perhaps normally I’d not be so harsh on him, it’s not his fault other people suffer more. It simply seem so terribly unfair that someone with a world of opportunity at their fingertips, chances to retrain, to work, to live, is feeling so self piteous and merely treading water,not living at all; when there are others who have all of those choices stolen away from them so young who ask no sympathy at all.

I guess it merely highlights how bloody unfair it is.

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to counsel

August 25, 2010 Leave a comment

so after my inital drs appointment in April I have finally started my cognitive behavioural therapy, so far I have had 2 assessment sessions which have been more difficult than i had imagined and unsurprisingly been diagnosed with general anxiety. So now to make it go away!

I have had homework from both sessions, firstly I had to create a list of 10 goals, which I probably should’ve made note of….. they included losing weight, playing with the kids more, driving, going to mum and toddler groups, making something ‘not be my job’, making time to bath, and the others may come back to me at some point…..finish making things was in there too I think…..

So this week I’ve to start on my list a bit, so I have had a look to see what children’s centres are local, and I’ve emailed the contact for more info on what may be available. I know that sounds really silly, only an email…but I like to read over things in case I’m making a tit of myself, and I can retype emails and texts many times before sending them. And it’s for this reason I don’t phone where I can avoid it, I can’t unsay what has been said. So today I sent an email with only hitting spellcheck, I didn’t read it at all!

My other homework is to keep a worry diary, 3 times a day I have to stop what I’m doing and write what is worrying me at that moment. I guess time will tell as to whether I worry far too much, or just simply too much…..

We also had a hospital appointment, typically for us our appointment was yesterday, the day the prime minister’s wife gave birth early at our hospital. Luckily parking wasn’t as bad as we’d feared it could be, but the entrance was swarming with journalists, Ivy and I were on live tv at least 3 times. They don’t want to see her for another 6 months which is awesome! She’s doing really well, started crawling yesterday too!

And possibly best of all, I faced a proper big demon and visited the NNU while we were there, I wanted to pass on another thank you card now Ivy’s a year old, saw a couple of the nurses that had looked after Ivy, including the nurse who was there when she was delivered which was really special. Proper awesome to see Judith, she had looked after Violet too when she was tiny, but she breathed for Ivy with her bag until she could be attached to the ventilator, and was also the nurse to give us our first cuddle when she was just over a week old. Good stuff.

And well I’m reiterating my promise to myself to blog, to set aside that few moments for me every day, or ever few days to type. Here’s hoping eh?!